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Kel's Ramblings & Whatnots
A place for me to, well, ramble.
I don't know what's wrong with my mother, but she can't seem to say a lot of words correctly. I've decided to keep a list. I'll add to it as I catch new ones.

  • Dachshund - Datsun

  • Lowe's - Lowell's

  • Jurassic - Jurasstic

  • Kiosk - Kioshk

  • Tortilla - Tortillya

  • Chipotle - Chipoltee

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My other little corner of the world is just too quiet. I don't care whether anyone reads my posts or not, as they're more for me anyway (sometimes I just need to vent and there's no one to vent to), but my Blogspot just felt too empty, like I was the only one in that area of the internet.

Need to do some adjusting of my settings, edit the friends list, and possibly change my LJ name and maybe the layout, but I'll be posting here for the foreseeable future, hopefully.
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Today, my step-niece and her boyfriend lost their house and dog to a fire. My mom's reaction when she heard the news? "Well, what do you expect? She lives in Mexico."

This is the kind of crap I'm talking about. She can't even have sympathy for the poor girl. We may not like her, and she's not the sharpest (or prettiest) crayon in the box, but she IS my brother's stepdaughter. How absolutely awful to lose everything you have, including your pet, so suddenly. Leave it to my mom to make an insensitive comment.
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One day at a time, right?
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I haven't posted in my journal here for ages, in spite of the fact I thought about it often and had plenty to say. I want to change that for 2013. I'm not calling it a resolution, just a goal. I have several goals for 2013.

The new year isn't starting out very well. I received some news that truly hurts my heart. And why is it that the one thing you DON'T want to think about is the one you can't seem to STOP thinking about? I've been sleeping a lot because it's the only respite I have from the whirring thoughts in my head. I started my period yesterday, so now at least I have physical hurt to match the emotional and mental hurt I'm dealing with. Other news has me sad, as I see people I love making grand and wonderful changes in their lives, and I'm stuck in this flux ... of whatever you wanna call my existence.


Changes are afoot. They have to be. I can't do this anymore. I love my job, but I can't live on it. A better job or a second job is in order. I need to be on my own before I lose my shit. Living here is destroying me. As nice as my mother is to your face, she's a mean and nasty person otherwise and I'm seeing it firsthand. She can't seem to say a nice thing about anyone or anything, be it people she knows in real life or strangers she sees on TV. She's rude to my father, constantly calling him stupid and an idiot, among other things. No one can do anything right in her eyes, and if something inconveniences her, there's hell to pay, but 'oh well' if anything she does bothers anyone else. There is a reason she never got along with my nana (my dad's mom) - it's because they're exactly alike and as she's aged, my mother is getting even more like her. For now, I've been biting my tongue (sometimes literally)... I mean, my dad has been dealing with a lot of this for years, and he is a grown man and perfectly able to stick up for himself and fight back (although he doesn't seem to chose to do so).. but I'm afraid a day will come that I'm really going to let her have it and then she's going to turn that wrath on me. Either that or I'll hurt her terribly, which would suck, even if she deserves it.

This will be the year I move back out. It has to be, 'cause I can't do this anymore. I'll be saving every bit of money that I can. Already checking out job opportunities and planning my next move. Ideally, I'd like to find a job and move out-of-state, away from this city I've come to despise and leave behind people and memories that cause too much hurt and disappointment. But with no degree, and not a lot of money to spend to fly somewhere for interviews, it's hard to do that. I wish I had enough I could just move and worry about the job when I got there. Ah, wishful thinking. I'll make something happen this year, though.

2013, may it end a helluva lot better than it's starting and be even 25% better than 2012.
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Out of the DustOut of the Dust by Karen Hesse

My rating: 4 of 5 stars

I really liked this. A quick read done in verse. It's always amazing to me how much an author is able to say in so few words.

Through Billie Jo's eyes, I began to hate the dust as well. As I was reading, I kept thinking about my Dad, who was born in Oklahoma in 1937 and wondering what his life was like then, just a couple of years after Billie Jo's story took place.

View all my reviews
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The Last Little Blue Envelope (Little Blue Envelope, #2)The Last Little Blue Envelope by Maureen Johnson

My rating: 3 of 5 stars

I enjoyed 13 Little Blue Envelopes, and at the end, even though the last envelope was never opened, I never felt like the story was unfinished. I was satisfied with the ending, so this follow-up was a surprise. I liked it (thought not as much as the first book). I do feel that Oliver was still a bit of an unknown character at the end. I wish that could have been explored a bit more. It's a shame that Ginny chose to sell the last art work that Aunt Peg (and Ginny herself) worked on. I'd think maybe she would have liked to keep it for herself.

The Future of UsThe Future of Us by Jay Asher

My rating: 2 of 5 stars

This was disappointing. Such a great premise! It was an easy enough read; I got through it quickly and the story moved at a fairly quick pace, but I got annoyed with Emma really fast.

You have access to a website that hasn't been invented yet, you can see your future 15 years ahead, and yet.. all you worry about is who you are married to and work to change that on a constant basis. Arrrghhh. I understand that she is a teenage girl, and maybe I might have been worried about that as well if I was in her shoes, but I'd like to think that there would have been other things I'd want to know about!

Josh wasn't nearly so annoying, he seemed to have a better grip on how to handle things. HOWEVER, he realizes from Facebook that his older brother is in a relationship with a man in the future, ponders briefly about whether is brother is gay in the present.. but then nothing else happens. It was just forgotten.

I also found it stupid that Emma would worry so damn much about trying to get a condom to Kellan to avoid her having that daughter in the future. Now come on.. they're supposed to be best friends (and granted, Emma can't tell Kellan what she knows or how she knows it), why doesn't she just come out and ask if she's planning to have sex?

Stupid teenagers.

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"You can't exactly blend in when you were born to stand out."
Great read! I love Auggie!
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Before I Go to Sleep

I wanted to like this one, I really did. A great concept with such possibilities! Unfortunately, the exciting part didn't happen until the last 30 pages, and to get there I had to plow through over 300+ pages of tedium. :(
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The Fault in Our Stars
Sorry, but didn't think it was that great.

Don't bother. Lazy writing, boring story.

This was okay. Interesting to the extent that she was a different supernatural being (a faerie/plant) but in the end... being a faerie/plant is kind of boring to read about. Highly doubt I'll read any more of this series.

Interesting take on the age-old Cinderella story. I enjoyed it and am looking forward to the next book in the series!
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Flawed Dogs

From the quirky mind of Berkeley Breathed. It was an odd one, but I enjoyed it! Sam the Lion was the best. It's hard not to love a dachshund with a ladle for a foot. :)

Rot & Ruin
I liked this. Takes place years after the "zombie apocalypse", and people have forged out a bit of civilization and survived. Looking forward to the next one. I liked the compassion that Tom taught his brother in "quieting" the zombies.

A good, solid read despite the disturbing events and the hatred and ignorance of the town.

When You Reach Me
I can't say I hated this book, but I can't say I liked it, either. There was just something about it that didn't sit right with me, but I can't put my finger on it.
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Kind of glad there are no more in this series; I don't feel so guilty about not wanting to read any more. :)

Fatal Flip

Decorated to Death
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"If you can't get someone out of your head, maybe they're supposed to be there."

I've been seeing this on Facebook a lot lately.
So what then?

If this person is in your head, and they're supposed to be in your head, what does that mean?
That maybe you're in their head, too? Or maybe they're supposed to be in your head and nowhere else?

It's because there is someone I think about every day. Someone I love and want back in my life but don't think I can have. Someone I've even dreamed about recently and it's making me crazy.
Mostly because thinking of this person hurts. Hurts because of history and distance .. but yet I can't give up. I hold on to hope like it's my teddy bear.
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I Shot You Babe

Quick read, just didn't like as well as the others.

Stand By Your Hitman

The best of the series, IMO. I laughed a lot!

The Secret Circle: The Captive Part II and The Power

Uggh. This one was frustrating. Cassie irked me in the book just like she does on the TV series - everything revolves around her and everyone is so quick to believe in her and do everything for her. Annoying. This book also seemed to last forever. The whole storyline with Black John seemed to go on endlessly.
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I've been wanting to update here, but had been reluctant to do so because I didn't want it to sound like a whiny post. It is what it is though, and since I don't really have anyone to listen, Livejournal is it.

I had a dream last night about a guy I haven't seen in years, a guy I practically grew up with. In my dream, we had run into each other after all these years, and started a relationship. When I woke up, I felt incredibly lonely. I mean, I am lonely, that doesn't go away, but having a dream about someone special putting their arms around you and just holding you just makes you feel that much more lonely when you wake up and that person doesn't exist. I miss having that special person in my life and until I'm working I don't see the point in even trying to meet anyone new. Who wants to date an unemployed 40-year-old that's living in her parents' house? Seriously, I should be suicidal.

Work. God. I'm so sick of looking for positions I feel I'm qualified enough to apply for. I'm sick of filling out applications and mailing resumes only to be rejected or worse, not even acknowledged that I applied. I've had one interview. ONE. I don't know if it's my age, the fact that I have a significant gap in my work history (which, if anyone bothered to ask, I'd certainly be happy to tell them about it) or what... but I guess I'm not employable. I've even started applying for things I don't really want (customer service) because I thought maybe I'd have a better chance at a position that fits in with my experience.. but that doesn't seem to be getting me anywhere either. I'm so damn frustrated.

I need to get out of this house and I can't because without a job there is no money to do anything. I miss going places. I miss having friends. Where did my "real" friends go? I'm sorry I wouldn't go out when you invited me...I'm sure you quit asking me because I'd say no.. but depression doesn't really lend itself to going out and having fun and socializing.. and then add unemployment to that mix.. and there's no money to enjoy going out anyway.

And yes, still fighting the depression. And I will, until such time I have insurance and can see a doctor and get put back on the medication that was actually helping me. Some days are better than others... today is not so good. I put on the "I'm doing okay" face and everyone accepts it.. no one asks...no one realizes that behind that face that there's a woman who's sad and lonely and feels like she has absolutely no one..

No one even asks anymore. Not like anyone ever really did. I don't get emails asking how I'm doing, or how the job hunt is going, or invites to lunch just to talk.. nothing. Everyone is too busy with their own lives to worry about mine. Everyone has other friends, friends that work and can actually GO places, so why think about someone that you don't see or talk to anymore? And yes, I have reached out myself, but again.. everyone is so "busy". Who wants to hang out with someone ... like me?

People forget that sometimes you need support. You need a shoulder to cry on, an ear to listen, a hand to hold.. or even an arm to put around you and tell you that everything is going to be okay.

I'm at the point that I wonder if it ever will be again.

Current Mood: sad sad

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Eh. This was okay. Might have liked it better if I had actually read it soon after I bought it, rather than leave it to wither on my shelf for a few years.

Current Mood: lonely lonely

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On a teen book kick at the moment. It's good though, 'cause I'm actually making some space on my overcrowded bookshelf. :)

How To Be Bad

Ten Things We Did (and Probably Shouldn't Have)

Current Mood: blah blah

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